NOW

i wasn't sure if i want to share this post with all details or without mentioning this forum, so screenshots look like this. first date is when the event has happened, second date is date of posting it here.

register at 32-bit cafe, write intro post, write about my interests and webdev, write my usual DNI.

screenshot of quote from my intro post: "please, no russians and communists. i hope i don’t need to explain what national trauma and war are and what it means." admin, reply: "We’ve messaged the user about this part of the post being against the spirit of the community."

admin's message: "Hi, totally understand why you might have these views, but that’s not what the (forum) is about. We’re here to discuss websites and adjacent topics, we don’t want politics brought in to create division and exclusion in our community. Users are free to pick and choose who they interact with but it doesn’t have to be made front and centre of who you are. This message steps on Rules 1, 7, and 8. I think you’ll find that most of our community is against the Russian invasion. Remember, we are not our governments. If you could edit your intro post to be more inline with our community rules, that would be fantastic."

me: "whould you say the same if someone write "germans and nazis dni" during the ww2?"

Admin: "We would raise the same issue if you decided to post a "DNI" for Germans too."

i will say it one more time: stop using "russian" in a means of ethnicity.
"russian" is a political identity, which includes everyone who sees themselves as "russian".
"russian" is about living in society, that nomalizes imperialism and all its tools.
"russian" in about paying taxes straight to the war.
"russian" is about inside-country* cultural context, language, etc.

shall i comment this? perhaps i do.

"here to discuss websites and adjacent topics". yes, this is why i wrote a whole intro post about webdev.

using word "politics" while talking about ongoing genocidal war and long history of colonization, as if it is "just" politics.

"it doesn’t have to be made front and centre of who you are". one short line after full intro text means "made front and center".

"most of our community is against the Russian invasion" - "most"? do you** hear yourself?

"Remember, we are not our governments". so now you're bringing politics? fine, remember, people are respondsible for their government; do not use "remember" as if you're teaching me.

i have been thinking if i should write about personal experience of this war in here, but you know what? i don't want to do it every time and explain it with my own personal details. it doesn't work. Ukrainians (and all other peoples who have been suffering from russian imperialism) do not owe you sharing their national and/or war traumas details just for being heard. you have time to silencing victims of genocidal war? then you should have time to read at least one fucking article or post about russian imperialism.

i will not mention my emotional reactions much, because i honestly do not want to be exposed again and again. with this, i want to take a break from being in smallweb community that actively. i will still update my site, and my contacts are available, but i need to distance myself a bit. it was challenging for me to write such post for many reasons, but here we are. i will not edit this text much, so let it be as it is, with broken grammar or style.

ending note: fuck you.

* so-called country, i must say. russia is nothing, but the empire and must be decolonized.

** "you" refers to certain admin of this forum, 32-bit cafe administration overall and westspainers, not every you YOU.

well, CC license authors decided AI training is "fair use". i recommend y'all to write your own TOS, especially artists. or use other version

guestbook123 is shutting down after all these years :(

stack overflow is now partnering with OpenAI. bruh.

what i think about AI? TL;DR: the main problem isn't the AI itself, but that its owners use it only for selfish gains. In its current state it is violating copyright, leaving no choice for creators

guestbook it is! (well, i need to find one first....)

i can't code, because i know i will do it for hours and hours. but also... i need to code, because hyperixation bonking my brain. i dunno. i have many OTHER things to do... uhghh...

i was coding for 8 or 9hr today. just- just woke up, ate something, sat in front of the laptop and... it's 7am of the next day. time travel!

sound useful, hm? i mean, i love webdev. but i hate being not in control. i hate when my mind is stuck. i feel helpless. and... i don't like being dehydrated, too.

well, then. it's 10.30am, i haven't slept. today i need to make a break. and no, just putting away my laptop isn't enough. i will code from the phone (not jokin). uh... it's a gift? is it a curse? i think both. but most of the times, it is a curse with useful effects afterwards.

You realize that all your life you have been coasting along as if you were in a dream. Suddenly, facing the trials of the last few days, you have come alive.

...do you know this strange feeling of... leveling up in some skill? it's a constant progress, of course, but there are these small moments of realization. realization of how more you see now, how some things aren't that complicated or hard anymore. how much more freedom in improvisation you feel, more space for experiments you have. that's so nice to feel.

I am talking about webdev at this time, but it works with any skill, of course. webdev is my hyperfixation for... uh, 3 months already? it's kinda cheating, because sometimes I sit and code for 8 hours, and if I can't, then I'm thinking about it anyway, or searching for tutorials. perhaps, some day webdev will become just a hobby, but now I'm going insane. well, it gave me more nice things at the end, more than unpleasant feelings from being hyperfixated.

ADHD isn't fun at all, but sometimes... it's helpful. and about skills: I've found my old notes. it was about inability to speak english or even write something long or serious. well... I'm not saying I'm good at it at this point, but a few years ago I thought I'm not able to even post silly things into tumblr with my english skill.

i decided that my main pages should be quick to load and edit! so i will keep it like this. will leave heavy complex pages for experiments! also i decided i don't want the whole new pages for blog, because my thoughts are too quick, and writing new html files on my phone is... long and strange lol

want to remind you about Ukrainian trans people, who's surviving a genocidal war. you can help with simply raising awareness, asking your government to give us more weapons to defend ourselves or donate. there is a list of our local organizations:

INSIGHT ─ provides medicines, hormones, safe houses (shelters), psychological and legal support;

GAY-ALLIANCE UKRAINE ─ organisation of temporary stay centers, opening paths for evacuation, food kits for LGBTI+ people who are alone and deprived of social support from their families;

LGBT MILITARY ─ union of the LGBTI+ military, veterans and volunteers;

TOCHKA OPORY ─ helps Ukrainian businesses build inclusive psychological support for their teams during wartime; presents enlightened and career opportunities, as well as friendly consultation with a career advisor; advocates for registered partnerships; connecting with friendly doctors, HIV/STI testing;

that's it. i love details and summary.

but also... still... thinking about gaming posts... uhm. besides, i think webdev soon will be just a hobby, not hyperfixation. FINALLY. i will code to a couple of hours, not 8... and this is what I was listening to today while i was coding BY THE WAY: link

i can't even say if i'm able to caught my thoughts or not. about webdev as well. im just sitting and codding for 4-5 hours almost every day when i have time. i don't actually like hyperfixations, even if they're useful...

ah, yes, meltdowns. anyway. i don't like how everything looks. so i will edit it all endlessly >:(

not the best days. and im still embarassed by the fact it's hard for me to structure my information. neocities is the best choice, yes, but... it still is shameful somehow.

i didn't feel so validated for a long time, neocities is such a lively and real place. im glad i've found it. i want to remind myself that this is the place where i can be myself and use that many layouts and icons and stamps and... as i want and need. will try.

so, im still thinking about format for my games screenshots gallery + collections + reviews. don't know what layout is more suitable. will use hotlinking at my mastodon i guess, because it's literally fucking 8GB of screenshots at my cloud drive...

i can't think at all. my day is 9AM - juuuust a little code - 11PM. i hate it. i didn't feel so much support like now, tho. you can't even imagine how important it is for me. too many things in my head, but i can't do anything with it. my hyperfixations are messing with my special interests, work and just hobbies, making it all... unhealthy?

i write, i play games, i have many resources to share. but ADHD be like: nah, 8 hours of coding, idiot. bruh. anyway, tomorrow i will try to write in my diary and DO NOT TOUCH THE LAPTOP. DO NOT.

...wanna create a page about my webdev learning, how it feels, AuDHD's influence in here.

it feels important to mention. TL;DR: i will change page CSS or html style VERY OFTEN, because i can't find what fits my things the most, but will save old pages in the archive!... it's 4AM at my time zone already... i will add everything later. for now - this page for the progress. and history lol.